Fox Mulder F B I
by darkangel38
Summary: Mulder wakes up one day with a wife and three kids. What happened?
1. Default Chapter

"Fox Mulder. F. B. I." ---------------------  
  
Author's Note: Yeah I know I just started another X-Files story, but this idea just popped into my head and I was eager to explore it. Please let me know what you think.  
  
Spoilers: Of course nothing is really a spoiler now, but it's similar to Dreamland I & II I suppose, if you want it to be.  
  
Disclaimer: For the billionith time, if Mulder & Scully and all of them were mine, do you think I'd be sitting in class writing this? I don't think so.  
  
Summary: Mulder wakes up with a wife and three kids..??  
  
+++  
  
"Fox Mulder. F.B.I"  
  
By: darkangel (dancingchickens@shaw.ca)  
  
+++  
  
The eyebrow was raised and the eyes were on him. He didn't notice, but let his tongue peek through his taut lips as he moved his head frantically from looking at the keyboard and then back to the 14" monitor.  
  
'Yes..' his mind groaned seductively. 'Yes! Yes! I've got it! I'm a genius! I'm the king of the whole damn planet!-'  
  
"Mulder, when are you going to get a life?" the dry humourous tone of the woman watching him, slashed through his rising ego thoughts and he slowly turned his head toward her, tongue still peeking through his lips. He studied his flame-haired partner Scully and she almost burst out laughing at his wide eyed, intense look.  
  
Slowly, he turned back towards the computer screen.  
  
It was an alien all right. Minus the pale grey skin and those long fingers (which had been too hard to do, he had tried).  
  
'Mulder, buddy, you deserve the nobel prize. No one else on EARTH could do what you have created here-'  
  
Scully still stared at him, eyebrow raised, a smirk just waiting to burst from her cherry lips. She folded her arms to add to the entire picture of 'humoured Scully'.  
  
"Nice job on making the alien from the 1s and 0s. You're a genius and you deserve the nobel prize," she smirked in her most sarcastic voice imaginable.  
  
Mulder sucked his tongue back in a looked at her again.  
  
'Mind reader! Freak! Wicth! Witch! Witch!-'  
  
"You're just jealous," he stated back simply and swiveled around in his chair until they were facing eachother.  
  
"If Skinner only knew what you did half the time down here.." Scully mumbled and began picking up several papers and case folders to stack into one big pile. She looked up at him and smiled.  
  
"Hey- I heard your e-mail beep a little bit ago, Hm? Having a secret affair online I should know about?" Mulder picked up a pen off his desk and began to play with it in his hands. Suddenly her cheeks flushed a faded pink and Mulder grinned.  
  
"Oh Scullykins how I love you so! Did you get the roses I sent you? You make my heart melt with every gentle-" he stood up and walked the few steps toward her, and sat on the corner of her desk, pen still in hand.  
  
"Stop that Mulder, it was a business report," she answered back with still that tinge of humor and she pushed her chair away from her own desk and stood up, smoothing out her navy skirt.  
  
Silence for a few minutes while they looked at eachother, a small smile plastered to Mulder's face.  
  
"Oh Scullykins!" he suddenly burst out again, closed his eyes, placed a hand over his heart and threw his head back. "Come away with me. My t-shirt is already ripped from my raging muscles and my white stallion is waiting. Baby, we can leave by sunset-" he made his voice so high, he almost sounded like a young southern cowboy.  
  
Scully hit him on his upper arm with a file, cutting him off as she laughed quietly.  
  
"And you wonder why you're still single."  
  
Out of nowhere then, Mulder got an urge to chase her around the office and tickle her, but thought something like that would be foolish and unprofessional. He shook off the feeling, that warm tingle in his heart, and stood up straight again. He walked back behind his own desk.  
  
Scully pulled her light jacket from the back of her chair and shrugged it on, flipping her hair out so it wouldn't get caught under the jacket. (Mulder noticed she did that everyday, even though her hair wasn't even long enough to be caught yet.)  
  
"Well Mulder, it's been.. something, but I'm going to head home now," she said without looking up from the papers sge was shuffling to put into her briefcase.  
  
Mulder looked up.  
  
"Already? Come on Scully, it's still early. We can play space invaders on my computer. I'll let you be the captain," he turned his monitor more to her direction and Scully noticed his marvelous alien art was still on screen. She had a feeling that after she was gone, he would save the file and make it his e-mail signature, each e-mail sizing to a good 300kb.  
  
"As much as I would die to play Space Invaders with you tonight Mulder, I have to be getting home. My nephew's birthday party is tomorrow afternoon and I have a little wrapping to do."  
  
She thought she caught his face fall, but she tried to ignore it. She already had the high score on Space Invaders; she wasn't going to stay again this time.  
  
"I might as well go too then. There's a documentary about UFOs on the Discovery Channel tonight at ten I think."  
  
"Haven't you already seen that?" Scully paused.  
  
"Ten times," he answered with a grin.  
  
"...Seriously Mulder, get a life," she smiled back, took her briefcase from the top of her desk, waved and then she was gone.  
  
Mulder collapsed into his chair and propped his feet up. He glanced over at his computer screen and his alien creation stared at him through the black and white numbers. He hit 'save', and changed his name to Dr. Frankenstein in his e-mail program. Scully was going to wake up to a few e-mails in the morning.  
  
He started up the Space Invaders game and took the keyboard onto his lap. He was also going to e-mail his new high score over to her too. Then she'd have no choice but to stay and keep him company.  
  
The warmth came again, but he ignored it and killed green space mutants on the screen.  
  
+++  
  
The smell both awoke and startled him first. That sense usually was alerted first in most cases. Prying open rotting wooden coffins to decomposed dead bodies, the decaying smell would always turn him away before the sight of the maggot covered face.  
  
Still in that transitional period from sleep to wanting to open his eyes, Mulder figured the smell was just in his dream that was now just drifting away. The smell was something in a billion years he would not smell at his own apartment in the morning, waking up.  
  
Coffee.  
  
Fresh coffee. Folgers or Nabob, or something.  
  
He was now fully awake, but the coffee smell still lingered. It was even stronger. Couldn't have been a dream.  
  
It was now or never.  
  
He snapped his eyes open. Sunlight. Loads and loads of sunlight burned his retinas. His eyes went shut again, tightly, and his brain saw large flashes or orange, red, and purple.  
  
While his eyes semi-adjusted, he groaned and stretched his arms and legs.  
  
He was in a bed, with big, thick, puffy covers covering him from the chest down. Now that certainly wasn't farmiliar. He was used to waking up with a dull aching neck cramp from falling asleep while watching old cheesy movies. No ache today. He felt like he was laying on a cloud.  
  
"FOX!! Get down here - your breakfast isn't going to eat itself!" a voice yelled.  
  
His eyes snapped open, ignoring the light. Whoever had yelled, had yelled his name.  
  
He now saw where he was. He was in a bright bedroom with tan painted walls and plants tucked into corners. The white shade was pulled up above the window and he could see more plants and a blue sky.  
  
'Where the hell am I?' Mulder asked himself and he pushed the thick blue covers from his legs. He planted his feet on the floor and rubbed his eyes. That was all it was. He was still dreaming. That had to be it. Any minute now he'd wake up in the farmiliar dark surroundings of his apartment, his neck cramp back, and his TV still on.  
  
Wait for it.. wait for it... Nothing.  
  
Mulder gazed around the room when his eyes stopped on the window again. Curious, he stood up, stretched his back and walked to the large window.  
  
He was far from home all right. A long suburban strip of houses greeted him, each painted a pale color alternating with pink, blue, and yellow. A paved street was directly in front, smooth and wide. Nothing like the pot holed streets he was used to. Kids with backpacks made their way down the sidewalks running along the street, probably going off to school by the looks of the morning sun.  
  
What the hell was going on.. An idea hit him smack in the face and he frantically yook 3 steps back so he could see himself in the rectangular mirror that hung on the wall.  
  
He saw himself, brown hair sticking up, bare chested, and dressed in bright red sweats.  
  
He didn't even own bright red sweats.. (but surprisingly owned every other color).  
  
"FOX!" that voice again.  
  
Mulder swung around to look at the doorway. A woman stood there holding a dark green backpack. She had almost black curly hair that frizzed around the bottom and a pair of darker framed glasses resting on her nose.  
  
"What are you waiting for? Get your ass-" She was cut off as a little boy ran up his hands covered with what looked like jam. He grinned and flashed his hands to the woman.  
  
"Jack! What are you doing? Go wash your hands," she ordered to to the little boy as she looked through the backpack. She pulled out a plastic barbie doll missing it's head and then a white bic lighter.  
  
"Your son..," she shook her head in disappointment at her son's new hobby of melting naked barbie dolls with his friends. She stuffed the lighter into her jean pocket hastly and looked back up at Mulder.  
  
"Your breakfast is all cold now.. Serves you right. Now you'll have to pick something up on the way to work." she sighed with a slight line of anger and walked off in the direction that the tike she had addressed as Jack had gone.  
  
Mulder heard a crash and more angry cries from the frazzeled woman.  
  
His mouth hung open for so long, he thought he would dehydrate. Now this was getting seriously creepy.  
  
Morris Fletcher entered his memory. No it couldn't be. He turned his head back to the mirror. He looked like himself, but could it possible that he really looked like a fat 50 year old with a beer gut? There was almost no way to know.  
  
Scully. She would help him somehow. All he had to do was get through the morning and then he would see her.  
  
Then another thought entered his mind. What if he wasn't even in D.C. anymore? Seeing her wouldn't be so easy. The view out of the window sure didn't look like anything he had seen (or lived in) for 25 years.  
  
Mulder's eyes scanned the room again and he spotted a white phone sitting next to a black alarm clock that read now 8:17am.  
  
He made his way back to the bed and sat down. He'd give her a call. He knew her number better than he knew his own.  
  
Mulder put the receiver to his ear and punched in the number.  
  
Ring.. ring.. 'Come on Scully'.  
  
"Hi! You've reached Glenn and Loretta Dingleberry. We're not available to take your call, but if you just leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we can-!"  
  
Mulder hung up on the sing-song voice. This was getting worse by the second. No way to contact Scully. Great. Must be an area code thing...  
  
This whole situation, Mulder had been through it before. Getting yelled at by Fletcher's wife, trying not to step out of character too much.  
  
What he had to do now was take a shower, and get into some clothes.  
  
When he found out some information, Mulder could take the first few steps to getting back to reality.  
  
+++  
  
R/R? :) 


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Thanks for the reviews, I'm glad somebody's reading :) I'm not sure how this is all going to work out as I'm basically thinking up ideas as I go along. But I guess we'll see what happens.. I know this section doesn't explain a whole lot, but there's still more to come.. :)  
  
+++  
  
Something surprised him in the bathroom. Behind the door he found the black suit he had been wearing the night before. The same tie, same dress shirt, the works. His first connection to reality.  
  
He put on the suit not caring how rumpled it was; it was farmiliar at least.  
  
His gun and wallet were nowhere to be seen, and upon close inspection, he noticed a few droplets of blood at the tail of the blue shirt.  
  
Putting A + B together he concluded.. that he had been drugged, kidnapped and .. stuck with a wife and kids.. huh? Nothing made sense. He would ask the woman where his stuff was when he got a chance.  
  
Mulder ran a brush that was beside the sink through his hair and left the washroom that was connected to the bedroom he had woke up in. Suppose.. he had went out, gotten drunk out of his mind, met a woman, and now she was a psycho, taking his gun, wallet, and holding him hostage in a weird town with her kids? Any explanation could have been true at that point, he decided. He would keep an eye out for his materials.  
  
While walking down the staircase, he stared to his left at the wall. Framed pictures hung. Pictures of him and his 'family'. Uptight professional pictures showing him in his usual suits, next to that screaming woman, with three grinning kids sitting up front. Two boys and a girl. And that wasn't the only picture. Dozens of them littered the wall. Some of them with only two kids, some with two kids and a baby. A wedding photo.. Oh God, that was him standing there, wearing a frilly blue tux standing next to a significantly younger version of the screaming woman.  
  
Suddenly, something brushed past his legs and ran down the stairs.  
  
Jack.  
  
"Hiya dad!" he yelled but didn't slow down.  
  
Dad.  
  
Boy, that was the weirdest feeling the world.  
  
Mulder slowly finished walking down the flight of stairs and looked around for the kitchen to get that breakfast that his 'wife' wouldn't stop clucking about. It was just to the left and he entered to find the 'wife' there along with 'his three kids'.  
  
"About time you decided to grace your family with your morning presence Mr. Lazy ass. The kids missed their bus; you're going to have to give them a ride," the woman shoved backpacks on the kids and stuffed toast into their mouths.  
  
"Mommy swore! Mom-my swore!" the youngest boy chanted and his toast dropped from his open mouth onto the white tiled floor. The woman scoffed and flipped her wrist up to look at the time.  
  
"Great, now they're all going to be *late* for school. On the first day, too!" she grunted and started shoving the gigglng kids to the kitchen patio doors that opened to a dainty patio and backyard.  
  
Wait a minute.. First day of school. Wasn't that in September? Yesterday had been May. What year was it even?  
  
She glared up at Mulder who still stood at the side of the kitchen awkwardly.  
  
"What are you waiting for?!"  
  
Mulder got his ass in gear and followed the kids to the kitchen door, knowing he'd have to drive them somewhere.  
  
The kids broke through the doors out into the backyard and darted around. Mulder was about to leave too, when he stopped and looked at her.  
  
"Did you take my wallet and gun?" he asked, having no idea what to expect for a response.  
  
"A gun? You have a gun now?" she almost shrieked.  
  
"Well yeah-" he started to explain but was interuppted.  
  
"I will not allow you to bring guns into this house. There's three kids here for God's sake. What the hell are you thinking? As for your wallet, how should I know where it is? You stumbled in here so late last night."  
  
Mulder looked at her confused.  
  
"..Like usual.." she mumbled and turned around to the sink. Mulder sighed and went for the door handle again.  
  
"Can't go without these, Fox," she sighed and grabbed some keys off the counter, tossing them at his chest. He caught them, barely. "Sometimes you are such a.." she mumbled the last part but Mulder thought he caught the word 'idiot' somewhere in the mix. Raising his eyebrows at her insane hostile personality, he left through the patio doors.  
  
+++  
  
Mulder rounded up the kids who had spread out all over the lawn and got them into the navy blue car closest to the street which looked like a Taurus. He had found Jack already making 'mud balls', Rob (he remembered) was urging him on, and the girl who's name he wasn't sure of yet, was watching and making 'ew' noises.  
  
Once the kids were buckled down in the backseat, Mulder got in the front and went to start the engine.  
  
"Why are we taking Mommy's car?" the girl piped up and Mulder stopped.  
  
Dammit.  
  
"I was.. uh.. just checking something," he covered hurridly and got out of the car, going through the process of unbuckling the kids and lugging them and a ton of backpacks to the vehicle next to it, a silver Blazer.  
  
He got them, again, all buckled in and calmed down, then got in the cushy driver's seat. The kids discussed a booger while Mulder started the 'correct' engine.  
  
He still had no idea where he was going.  
  
"Okay kids, where are we going," he said loud enough for them to hear as he backed down the driveway.  
  
"Disneyland!" one of the boys squealed, most likely Jack and not his psychotic pyro brother.  
  
"No, you're going to school.. Now where is that?" he picked a direction to go out of the driveway and went along.  
  
"You don't even KNOW?" the girl giggled, shocked.  
  
"It's a test," he said back, thinking that could fool them.  
  
More giggles from the backseat.  
  
"What?" he looked into the rearview at them, hands over their mouths.  
  
"School is that way Daddy," the girl thumbed to the back window and giggled with Jack again.  
  
Mulder pulled a U-turn and passed the house again. The screaming woman probably thought he was a lunatic.  
  
He drove in his own silence for a little bit, observing all around him. Such a bright place. He was used to dark alleys, misty fields, and pitch black dungeons.  
  
The giggles strarted up again.  
  
"You're still going the wrong way..." the girl muffled out. Mulder looked into the rearview again at them.  
  
"There's no other way to go!" he said desperately wanting them just to give him a break. But of course they didn't know anything was wrong. As he could tell, they probably thought he was playing a joke on them, and they were playing along.  
  
Mulder sighed.  
  
"If you tell me the truth, I'll buy you icecream after school," he begged and stopped at a red light.  
  
The backseat erupted into cheers and yells.  
  
"Mommy NEVER lets us have icecream!" the girl exclaimed. Mulder raised his eyebrow. No icecream? Now that was just cruel.  
  
"Well, Mommy is not here, is she. Right or left?" Mulder asked once he reached a split turn and the girl answered, grinning, "left."  
  
The kids made it to school, all thankfully attending the same one, (only finding out at the last minute that the girl's name was Dana, and she was Rob's twin sister).  
  
The name Dana stuck in his mind as he sat idling in the Blazer holding up traffic in front of the school. He found no logical explanation about it, why his 'child' was named Dana..  
  
A honk from behind pressed is foot to the gas pedal. Nothing happened.  
  
He was still in park.  
  
'Idiot was right.'  
  
Mulder corrected his mistake and drove off away from the school.  
  
+++ 


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Sorry so short, but I wanted to get something up. Definately more to come.  
  
+++  
  
And he drove alone. Passing little brick stores that looked like they never got business, as well as superstore giants. Big white four level splits... For all he knew, he was going right out of town.  
  
Mulder picked an empty spot on the side of the street and parked. He obviously wasn't in D.C anymore. So many reasons pointed to that conclusion. For one, a sign ahead read 'Walnut Street'. No walnut streets in D.C.  
  
"Okay, so who am I.." he tapped the bottom part of the wheel and looked around the interior of his vehicle.  
  
He reached across to the glove compartment and popped it open. The first thing that he pulled out was a small red booklet. Insurance.  
  
He leaned back in the seat, looked up a passing car and then flipped open the booklet.  
  
1999 Blazer registered to: Fox Mulder.  
  
Followed by a bunch of other numbers.  
  
Fox Mulder? He was expecting a different name. How was it possible that this vehicle, which he had never driven before, was registered under his name?  
  
It had to still be a dream. Maybe he was in a coma. That was it, a coma. And for some reason he was experiencing what life would have been like before the X-Files. Was he still an FBI agent though? He was supposed to go to work. But where was that?  
  
He leaned over, seatbelt now off, and opened the glove compartment again. He tossed in the insurance and shuffled around car manuals and a tire pressure gauge until his hand stumbled upon a dirty business card. He pulled it out.  
  
In the top left corner was a gigantic beetle picture.  
  
He almost had a heart attack after reading the text on the middle of the card.  
  
Fox Mulder - Exterminator.  
  
"You have *got* to be kidding me.." Mulder said louder than he probably had to to himself. This was not happening. He didn't kill stupid bugs for a living, no way.  
  
Still holding the business card, Mulder turned around and peeked into the backseat. The seat was bare, as the kids had been sitting there, but there was a bunch of junk where their feet would have dangled. Some sort of orange clothes.  
  
Mulder leaned across the seats and reached for it behind the front passenger seat. It was the most hideous color of orange he had ever seen.  
  
He pulled it up and looked at it.. and almost dropped his head with a sigh.  
  
It was a dirty jumpsuit. "Fox" was on the patch in faded black stitching, showing that the jumpsuit had an age. It was his bloody bug-killer uniform. Smears of guts and blood along with dirt were smeared over the entire thing. It smelled quite foul and he tossed it back into the backseat. He had probably put it back there to be washed.  
  
As if waking up in a strange house with a strange family wasn't bad enough, now he was expected to stomp on bugs and scrape them off the floor to feed them.  
  
He went to his inside jacket pocket on impulse for his cell phone. To his surprise, it was there, the exact same one. He typed in Scully's cell number and put the phone up to his ear and waited.  
  
"The person you are calling is not in service. To be forwarded to voice mail, press 1 now," a recording went.  
  
Scully didn't have voice mail and her phone was on 24/7... Maybe she activated it recently. He pressed 1.  
  
"Begin talking at the tone," the voice continued and a beep sounded.  
  
"Hey Scully it's me. Something weird is going on. I woke up this morning and I was in.. a house with a yelling wife and three kids. I have no idea what happened or why I'm here. Call me back as soon as you get this." Mulder finished up and snapped his phone shut.  
  
Now what was he to do. 'Go to work.'  
  
"I'm not a damn exterminator!" He hit the steering wheel angrily and rested his left arm on the open window, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. What a stupid mess.  
  
'So drive back to D.C.' his mind told him. He considered it and probably thought it was the best plan, but thought maybe he should track down his wallet and gun first. Maybe he could find some more information in the house as well.  
  
But for the time being.. work it was. He didn't want to go back to that woman who always seemed to be mad at him for some reason, until he absolutly had to. And a call from 'his work' whining about how he didn't show up that day wouldn't make things any better with her.  
  
Mulder looked at the business card again and mentally took a picture of the address to memory.  
  
Time to go kill some bugs, he supposed.  
  
+++ 


End file.
